‘I’m not ashamed, I’m gonna show my scar’

It was the day that the whole world collapsed.
Just a small starting point

People I love. We have got some harsh argument.
Until he told me.

“I don’t want to be your friend”
“This is the biggest mistake in my lives. Can we really be friends? “
“No, no, we won’t be friends. No matter where “

I call him Latte (fictitious name) because of his words. Bitter like coffee And made me ten years stay awake While it is bitter But many memories are still good And shivering in the mind

I had to fly back to Thailand suddenly. Because I have mental symptoms And having to leave the regular job in Singapore is going well at that time for me.(2008)

Yes, it may be a trivial matter for you.
For anyone, you might think it’s ridiculous.
Yes, it is nothing. There is no substance at all.
But the life crisis that happened to me at the same time caused me to have ‘mental symptoms’.

For me who is with bipolar genes, mental disturbances And this pain are considered ‘enough’ to make Bipolar genes start to work. The chemicals in our brain behave abnormally. There’re too many dopamines. Cause ‘hallucinogenic’ symptoms

I scared to the point of thinking that someone would come to kill and I see my sister I think she holds a gun, tries to shoot me. Father contact the police to help to carry me to a psychiatric hospital for the first time. … 

It is the first time that my profile seems to be beautiful and prestigious. There is a history of ‘psychiatric patients’.People who graduated well from the oldest institution in the country. The illustrator who has gone far to get jobs abroad Has become a patient with a history of psychiatric disorders made me think What do we do with the next life … What do we do with this wound? Great scars in my life?

For us who have been in psychiatric hospitals for 6 times, have a history of treating psychiatric disorders. Diseases that many people are afraid of Not afraid of disease But ‘fear of losing lucrative profile’, fearing being scolded for ‘psychosis’,’psychopath’ Afraid of ‘all the fear’ …

Don’t be afraid I have gone through those times and will say that yeah right maybe I am a psychopath !!!! Then, how? Did I go to ask you for money? Ask for help? How do you have the right to curse or condemn me? If we ever ask for money from you Used to have merit Asked to acknowledge that How do you call us We don’t care. Psychopath. It’s just the name of the ‘disease’.I merely can’t kill or harm anybody in real life even I’m in these states.

And I lost the important things during the journey, saying that it was hurt to get to know, especially if that person is the person we care for. We love or care and will say that if that person is disgusted in your disease Or what you are already are. They may not The person you should have to pay much attention to in your life If anyone you care, fear you because you have this disease. I know that You may have to end the ‘karma’ for that person. Because of how people interact Because we still have karma for each other

At first
That you think you are not sick It will give you a good idea of disease treatment. It is very important that you think that you are not sick because it will give you more encouragement to fight this disease because you feel like you are normal and you will definitely be back.

This is more important than anything because you think that you are not sick, it is like a self-fulfilling prophecy or a true prophecy in yourself. Similar to self-hypnosis or NLP.

In addition, you do not have to pay attention to other people who gossip about bad things or say bad things about yourself. There are a lot of people of this type. And these people, at the time, didn’t help anything. They will stomp you to the ground When you are in trouble Or when you don’t have a place to live or feel bad in life And then they aggravates what you are

That means they are not your good friends You don’t need to care. And pay attention to these people Because finally, The person you should pay attention to the most is yourself. Pay attention to your feelings. To make yourself feel good first And then generously Go to those around you

Under the smile behind the selfie

I have to keep the symptoms for 10 years together. My father disagrees with the disclosure of sickness because he thinks that my career will end here. But I don’t think, then I felt that keeping with myself It makes me feel heavier. As if carrying a large stone It’s a burden that makes me keep the past with myself. As soon as I reveal That I’m sick of bipolar disorder Entering the psychiatric hospital 6 times, heartbroken, unemployed, run out of money, I have nothing to fear anymore. Drawing work has improved significantly. Because those things are the ones that people think are the most embarrassing for one’s life, It is the end of everything in life.

But don’t forget I still have friends Left people who loved us, many more I still have skills. Still, have the ability to take it. At that time I was in a psychiatric hospital. I think of the scene in which Evie in V for Vendetta is writing her own name so the executioner can finish her. When you feel ‘tortured’ You will feel Death may be the end result, maybe better !! When you are not afraid of death Felt that life was extremely bad That is when you are the most independent. Because you are not afraid,  That is the best thing that will happen to a person’s life !! If you are not afraid. You can do many things in this world.

And after that, I am teachers for 10 years. If people would not come to study With me because of the reason for this disease Or because of my profile Let you know that I also not ready to teach you. And don’t want to teach you too Because you don’t give people a chance And may never have been so strong in life

Because what hurt us is ‘life’, it is a great ‘teacher’ period.

If you do not give life opportunities, make mistakes do not give opportunities to those who have had several mistakes in life. You will never succeed in life because of what? Because if you have never encountered life hurt at all You are like a person who has always been riding a tricycle. Not falling, not wrong and not learning anything …

Because of what you do in life Something failed Some success Who saw success Do you know how many times he fell? How much wounds Under a beautiful smile Under the face behind the screen, the selfie looks good Must hide tears And how much wounds?

What are you hiding? And keeping it hurt you? Does it make the wound more chronic than healing?

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